If you’ve ever been told by a healthcare professional that you have a “weak pelvic floor,” you’re not alone. It’s one of the most common explanations given to women experiencing leaks, back pain, or that dragging, heavy sensation down below. But for many, the issue might not be weakness at all – it could be tension!
Tension in the pelvic floor can sometimes look and feel just like weakness, and understanding the difference can be an important step toward feeling more like yourself again.
The Misunderstood Pelvic Floor
For many women juggling busy lives, careers, families, (and perhaps a yoga class when there’s time!), stress is a constant companion. And stress doesn’t just live in our minds; it shows up in our bodies too. One place it can settle is the pelvic floor.
Just like your shoulders might hunch up when you’re tense or your jaw might clench under pressure, your pelvic floor can hold onto that stress too through crossing our legs tightly, holding our stomachs in or simply shallow breathing, can all contribute to tension in our pelvic floor. Over time, your pelvic floor may even “forget” to let go of that tension, which can lead to:
- Leaking when you cough, sneeze, or run/jump
- Trouble emptying your bladder or bowels
- Back pain or feeling heavy in your pelvis
- Tightness in your hips or jaw
If this sounds familiar, it might be time to think about whether your pelvic floor is tense rather than weak.
Hang on though, those symptoms all sound a lot like pelvic floor weakness though, what’s going on?
A muscle can weaken over time if it isn’t used regularly enough (eg: sitting down all day may cause your bottom muscles to flatten). Over time, the muscle may become sluggish or a little less effective and struggle with all of it’s usual jobs. However, the pelvic floor is a muscle that is always being used, whether we’re aware of it or not!
From holding up your bladder and bowels to being involved in breathing, posture and balance, your pelvic floor is never truly at rest. Even when you’re sitting, standing, walking, or running, your pelvic floor is constantly active. So, can it really be weak?
Rather than thinking of the pelvic floor as simply weak, it’s more helpful (and more accurate) to think of it as needing balance. For a muscle to work well, it has to be able to both squeeze AND relax. If your pelvic floor is always switched on and holding tension all the time, it may not be able to give you that extra squeeze of support when you really need it, like during a cough or a laugh. On the other hand, if the muscle is too relaxed or underactive, it might be slow to respond to sudden demands, such as sneezing or lifting.
In both cases, the pelvic floor may struggle to do its job effectively, and that can show up as leaks, discomfort, or a sensation of heaviness. The issue isn’t necessarily about being “too weak” or “too tight”, but about the muscle not having the flexibility or responsiveness it needs to adapt to the moment.
Think of it this way: imagine I asked you to make a fist and keep it clenched all day. You’d still be able to do things like push yourself up from a chair, move things out of the way, maybe even dress yourself. But you’d struggle with tasks that require more precision or mobility, like picking something up or writing. And by the end of the day, your hand would likely feel sore, tired or achey.
It’s not that your hand is weak or useless — it’s just that it’s stuck in one mode, and that limits its ability to respond to all the things you want it to do. The same goes for your pelvic floor. Strength isn’t just about being able to squeeze hard — it’s about being able to adapt to what your body needs, moment to moment.
So should I be doing pelvic floor squeezes (Kegels)?
You might have been told to do pelvic floor squeezes (also known as Kegels) to help strengthen your muscles. And they can be a really helpful exercise to help your pelvic floor. But if your pelvic floor is already holding a lot of tension, doing more squeezing can actually make things feel worse, not better.
That’s because if the muscles are already tight, adding more effort can build up even more tension and that can lead to more leaks, discomfort, or even pain.
If you’ve been doing Kegels but they don’t seem to be helping, or if you find it hard to feel your pelvic floor let go between squeezes, it might be a sign that what your body needs right now is relaxation, not more strength work.
So what can I do instead?
Relaxing your pelvic floor can make a real difference — especially when it comes to things like leaks or pain. And the good news is, you don’t need a special time or place to do it. There are simple things you can try throughout your day to help your pelvic floor soften and let go:
- Breathe deeply. Just 3 or 4 slow breaths into your belly (in and out through your nose) can help your whole body, including your pelvic floor, start to release tension. When your body feels more relaxed, your pelvic floor is more likely to move and respond the way it needs to.
- Relax your jaw. The jaw and pelvic floor are surprisingly connected — if one’s tense, the other often is too. A quick trick? Try “horsey lips”: take a deep breath in, and as you breathe out, let your lips flutter or buzz together like a horse snorting. It looks silly but it works! Try doing 3 in a row to help ease tension.
- Give your pelvic floor space. Sitting cross-legged can actually make your pelvic floor work harder. Instead, try sitting with your feet on the floor and knees apart, letting your legs and hips relax. This position helps your pelvic floor soften and rest — perfect for when you’re working, watching telly, or just taking a moment.
Listening to Your Body
Learning to tune in to how your pelvic floor feels — not just whether it’s strong or weak — can be a real turning point. If you’re always being told to “do your squeezes” but they don’t seem to be helping, it might be time to pause and consider whether your body actually needs more release, not more effort.
Remember, a healthy pelvic floor isn’t one that’s always switched on — it’s one that knows how to respond. Sometimes that means engaging and supporting you through movement and effort. Other times, it means softening and letting go. Like all muscles, it needs the freedom to move both ways.
If this is all starting to ring true for you, you’re not alone — and there is a way forward. With the right guidance and a focus on balance, not just strength, your pelvic floor can become more responsive, more comfortable, and more in tune with what your body needs day to day.
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